Tuesday, 30 August 2011

How To Make Vegetarian Chicken Pie The Sarah Way

A little recipe I came up with on Sunday night, just for you. Written in my own unique style... but I promise it really is a totally rad, delicious pie!

Serves 3-4 (5 at a push)


7ish bigish potatoes
1 package of vegetarian chicken pieces (if you want to use real chicken then that's cool with me but you'll have to figure out how to cook it all by yourself)
1 large package of asparagus (sub other veg if you don’t like it)
1 bottle of decent white wine (chilled)
3 tbsp double cream
1 egg yolk
½ pint vegetable stock
Bit o’ flour
Salt and pepper (to taste)
Bit o’ Olive Oil
Optional cheese (any type, all cheese is good cheese)


♪    Open the wine. Pour yourself a large glass. Drink some.

♪    Boil some water in your kettle or in a pan (whichever you find most efficient). Wash and peel the potatoes. Take them with your hands and cut them up into quarters. Put the potatoes into the pan with some salt and the boiled water. Boil them for about 10 minutes or until they are soft. Make sure you do an extremely exotic dance to ‘Brimful Of Asha’ at this point. Have some wine.

♪    Mix up your stock according to the package instructions (usually a few teaspoons for a half pint). Leave that, then take a small pan and make a roux. (To make a roux – melt a good, big dollop of butter on a low heat and then sieve in a big spoonful of flour. Stir like billy-o. Don’t let it turn to bread.) Add the stock a little bit at a time and keep stirring all the time. Have some more wine.

♪    Forget what you’re supposed to be doing for a while. Have a bit of a flap. Dance the flap away.

♪    Plop the chicken pieces into this sauce mixture. Also add 150ml of the wine and bring to the boil and boil for [insert number] minutes.

♪    Drain off the potatoes and leave to stand for a while.

♪    Cook the asparagus in your preferred way (I usually steam them). They should only take a few minutes and this way they stay nice and crunchy and not too floppy. Eat one of them to make sure it’s totally rad.

♪    Have some wine if you have any left. Momentarily forget what you are doing (this part is very important).

♪    Add the egg yolk to the sauce and stir it in, reduce the heat to a simmer. Add salt and pepper.

♪    Forget what you are doing again. Panic.

♪    Mash up your potaties. Use LOTS of butter, a bit of milk and a good slurp of olive oil. Add salt and pepper to this also. Taste it to make sure it’s totally rad.

♪    Have a miniature internal meltdown. Dance and sing obnoxiously loudly to ‘Common People’ until this feeling passes.

♪    Set aside 2 spears of asparagus per person for decoration. Make sure they get really cold, no one likes hot asparagus. Cut the rest up into manageable pieces. Put into a largeish casserole dish thingy.

♪    What does your sauce look like? Turn off the heat and add the 3 tbsp of cream. Stir it all in, then taste it. Taste totally rad? I thought so. Add it to the dish and stir that stuff together.

♪    Take your mashed potato and spread it all over the top of that. Fork it to make it all rufty tufty. Add the optional cheese and some butter to the top.

♪    Bake in the oven til it’s all brown on the top.

♪    Serve with absolutely scads of garlic bread. Feel so drunk and tired that you find it difficult to eat. Watch your friends eat it, smile and feel very happy and content inside.

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